All this talk of immigration reform strikes me as yet another example of politicians pandering to the American people, who have made dishonesty and crushing incompetence a prerequisite for getting elected.

Let’s talk simple facts:

1: It’s illegal to be an illegal immigrant.

The government already has the authority to round up illegals and deport them, as well as the authority to punish their employers.  So, why don’t they?  And if they aren’t willing or able to enforce the current laws, why would we believe that a bunch of new laws would help?

2:  There is already a guest worker program.

But, like most government programs, it’s unrealistic, hopelessly bureaucratic, and completely backlogged.  My town, for instance, is a seasonal resort and needs summer workers.  Current approval backlogs for workers will get them to us just after Labor Day.  Granted, the now-dead reform bill attempted to liberalize and streamline this system, but what were the chances that a patchwork of compromises and amendments would have done anything but create more bureaucratic overload?

3:  Border security doesn’t work.

This is why we have twelve million illegals in the first place.  It’s also why, after decades of effort and billions of dollars, narcotics continue to flood our streets. Besides, can you imagine how many Mexicans we’d have to hire to build a border wall?

4:  There are easy ways to deal with this.

Most illegal immigrants use fraudulent social security numbers—either invalid ones or stolen ones—and pay income and social security taxes.  Oddly, the Social Security Administration is legally barred from sharing information with law enforcement or immigration.  In fact, they aren’t even allowed to tell you that someone has stolen your identity. This seems insane (even by government standards) until you realize that these mismatched numbers are bringing in billions of dollars in revenue every year.

So if we’re really committed to controlling immigration, a good first step would be to have Social Security send notifications of suspicious use of numbers to their owners.

Is a three-year-old applying for a firefighter gig?  Is one person working three full-time jobs in three different states?  Is a woman who calls herself Juanita Martinez providing a number belonging to Dick Cheney? In light of what we’ve learned about the government’s current surveillance habits, this doesn’t seem all that intrusive.

5:  We’re not going to lift a finger.

So, are we going to have someone write a simple computer program and coordinate between Social Security, the IRS, and Homeland Security? Hell, no. Politicians will continue to make speeches proffering solutions they know won’t work, U.S. businesses will continue to fill their positions with illegal immigrants, and pregnant Mexican women towing toddlers will continue to outmaneuver our border security.

So relax.  Fifteen years from now, those yummy takeaway burritos will still be cheap as dirt, hotel sheets will still be freshly laundered, and your senator will still be on TV demanding that something be done about illegal immigrants.  The only difference is that instead of twelve million, there will be twenty-five million.